Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
