i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
