You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I bet he comes in French.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
