Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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