I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
