my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
