she was so not down for the gang bang
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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