I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
