So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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