Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
