just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
