Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
