Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
