To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
