So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
