how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
