Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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