I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
