it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
