I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
