You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
