The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize