Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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