When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
