guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
