did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
