dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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