i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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