is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
