My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
