When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
