If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
