apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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