who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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