i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
