I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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