I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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