im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
