That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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