why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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