I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
