i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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