i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
