My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
did you just send me my own nude
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