i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
