NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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