Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
