don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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