you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
