I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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