is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
