Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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