he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
