Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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