Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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