what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
