walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
