College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
