you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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