If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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