Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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