if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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