we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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