so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
