i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
