Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize