Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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