I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We left the knife in your bed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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