I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
